Author's note:
I got an idea for this story after reading the C. A. Kincaid's version of the Mahabharata where the story is told in an Indian hero epic style. The story includes many buildups for a final battle that I really wanted to include in my own story. This is just the first half of the story I plan on writing. I have a good idea of where I want to take this story with some twists and superpowers as well (Greek mythology stuff maybe). Family betrayal is one of the oldest conflicts in the book and I wanted a brotherly rivalry that ends in death in my story. I hope to continue on my story after getting some feedback on it.
Story Source: C. A. Kincaid http://iereadingguides.blogspot.com/search/label/Guide%3A%20Kincaid.%20Mahabharata
Revenge of the Fallen
It had been two long years since the treacherous night
the kingdom was taken over by the traitor, Raul. Being the younger brother of
the former king, Rosinante, Raul grew his strength and army quietly for years under
the protection of the king. Having a history of malicious behavior starting at
a young age, Raul planned to overtake the kingdom to serve him for years. Much has
changed in the kingdom under the tyranny of Raul; countless starving people on
the streets, corrupt king and his servants living off the blood and sweat of the
people, and much more. However, what Raul did not know was that King Rosinante
and his five loyal knights were still alive in a nearby mountain, hoping to
take over the kingdom one day.
“It’s already been two years…” whispered the King to
himself.
King Rosinante and the five loyal knights have been preparing
the past years to take the kingdom back. As they were only six men total
against an entire army, they knew they had to be smart with the preparations.
“The one thing we have is the element of surprise. As
far as my younger brother knows, we are all dead. It’s been two years, I do not
think Raul still has us in the back of his mind. We attack tomorrow at sundown.”
said King Rosinante to his knights.
Though they were just six men, the five loyal knights
were once the most feared men in all of the kingdom. The king also had a reputation
of defeating countless men in battle. Knowing what they are capable of doing
themselves, the knights and the king was confident in taking the kingdom back
as long as they could catch Raul and his men off guard.
The next day came, and the preparations were set. The
king and his knights made their move and climbed over the castle wall as the
sun was going down. However, when they climbed over the wall, ahead of them
stood an entire army of Raul’s soldiers.
“Welcome brother! Long time no see!” shouted Raul from
behind his army.
“But how?! You’re not suppose to know that I’m alive!”
the king shouted confused.
“Well maybe one of your “loyal” knights isn’t so loyal.
We knew of your survival from the day I took over this kingdom. We’ve been preparing
for your invasion for the last two years! Now come, I will gladly put you all
out of your miseries!” shouted Raul as he raised his sword.
-To be continued
Hey, Taeam!
ReplyDeleteReally nice work here! I think that you were able to balance the aspects of dialogue and straightforward description pretty well. I think that you have set yourself up for a great deal of success in the future as you prepare for more stories to follow. You certainly left it off at a good cliffhanger, so I hope that I get to see the resolution soon!
Cheers,
Chris
Hi Taeam! You did a fantastic job in the incorporation of not only descriptions but as well as dialogue! What also stood out to me was your amazing use of paragraphs, when used properly they can change an entire story! Great job in keeping the reader hooked by leaving the story in a cliffhanger, it really does leave the reader wondering what is going to happen next. I am looking forward to reading about how the story will end, great work! Cheers!
ReplyDeleteHello Taeam, you did a great job introducing many characters in your story. I like the idea of building up to a final battle and showing many different plot variations. This is a unique style of writing that I have yet to see. You also did a fantastic job of keeping the attention of the reader with your dramatic plot. I cannot wait to see where you go with this story.
ReplyDelete